A New Book from Cecil Murphey for Caregivers

Because You Care

Spiritual Encouragement for Caregivers

Cecil Murphey & Twila Belk & Betty Fletcher

Beloved authors Cecil Murphey and Twila Belk know that caring for an ill or elderly loved one can be very difficult—and yet inspires a deep sense of love and peace of mind. Beautifully written and laced with stunning photos by nature photographer Betty Fletcher, this book is full of gentle wisdom and personal stories that help the caregiver with such matters as

• feeling guilty for doing too much, too little, or nothing at all
• answering other people’s well-meaning but insensitive questions
• watching a dearly loved one suffer through difficult days

Because You Care is a breath of fresh air for those who are in a long-term care arrangement. Here they find practical help, sweet encouragement, and holy inspiration.

(The above quote is from the publisher. Below are a few of my own thoughts about this helpful and encouraging book.)

As caregiver for both of my parents as they were in hospice I do not think I could have made it if not for spiritual encouragement, from God's word, friends and family and also from books written especially for caregivers. Cec & Twila have written a wonderful book with chapters short enough to get through in the limited time the caregivers have in their busy days. Betty Fletcher's amazing photos touch my soul each time I look at them and I can literally feel the muscles in my neck letting go of their tight grip and allowing me to lose some of the burdens of the day.

I encourage you to take a look at Because You Care today, for yourself or maybe for a loved one. It may be just the empathic, encouraging words they need.

To purchase from Amazon.com: Because You Care: Spiritual Encouragement for Caregivers, click link http://bitsy.me/4us

You can also find Because You Care on Facebook.

10 Ways Not to Encourage Cancer Patients

Our guest blogger today is Yvonne Ortega. Yvonne shares some great reminders for friends and loved ones with a touch of humor any cancer survivor can identify with and appreciate. Thanks so much Yvonne!

10 Ways Not to Encourage Cancer Patients

Point out they shouldn’t be scared, angry or depressed, because they are Christians and that would ruin their testimony.

Suggest they have cancer because of the stress in their lives. You may not be a doctor, but you just know.

Remind them that lack of forgiveness causes cancer, and they need to forgive somebody.

Explain they probably got cancer because they didn’t eat right, and from now on they need to take responsibility for what they eat.

Make sure you tell them about your aunt, cousin, grandma, friend or neighbor who had cancer and died.

Mention the horror stories you’ve heard about chemotherapy.

Don’t forget to inform them about the friend you know whose skin burned because of radiation.

Visit them as soon as they return from the hospital and keep talking to them even when their eyes are at half-mast.

Tell them to call you if they need anything. They probably won’t call you, but you’re off the hook, like your telephone.

Insist that they must be strong because it could be worse.

Copyright © October 28, 2010 by Yvonne Ortega

Breast cancer affects everyone it touches, whether firsthand or through the life of a loved one. Counselor and teacher Yvonne Ortega discovered this when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and began her journey. In Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer, she shares with readers her personal triumphs and setbacks with humor and refreshing candor, always reminding us of God's desire to meet us exactly where we are. In this repackaged book, sixty devotions are divided into sections--diagnosis, surgery, treatment, and recovery--each incorporating Scripture into daily life. It also includes a new chapter on living with the possibility that cancer may return. Ortega's attention to even the most basic hopes and fears that a cancer patient faces each day offers encouragement that can come only from one who has been there herself.

Eating Whataburgers in the Car

Yesterday I sat in my car in Target's parking lot, eating a hamburger and thinking wistfully about my dad.

Dad died April 1, 2004 of esophageal cancer. I was down in Texas taking care of him back then. In the months preceding his death, a tumor in his esophagus left him unable to swallow anything that could not fit through a straw. This made eating quite a challenge. If that wasn’t bad enough, Dad also suffered from dementia (possibly from cancer in his brain) so he really didn’t understand or remember that he had to be very careful about what he ate.

Consequently, anytime we were eating together we'd eat only liquids or something super soft that could fit down his obstructed esophagus. His favorite, his “comfort food”, was Milk Toast, which if you’re not an "old timer" from Texas you may think that is just a term used to describe a wimp. Milk Toast is hot milk poured over buttery toast, and really not too bad, but it's not getting featured on the Food Channel anytime soon, either. Most of the time it was the Jell-O and soup which was fine for both of us. Plus it was a good reminder to me of what Dad was going through, of how much he'd lost to not be able to even eat normally.

Occasionally though, I'd get really hungry for some "chewable" food and sneak off to get a "Whataburger". The first time I did it, I sat in the restaurant and ate. When I walked into the house an hour later Dad asked me where the hamburgers were. He could smell them from my clothes and figured I brought take-out.

After that, whenever I would get the burger buzz, I'd use the drive-thru, park a block or so away from home and eat in the car. After I finished, I'd bury the trash outside under what was already in the can and leave the car windows open to make sure there was no burger aroma to give me away.

It was one of those sad/funny/guilt inducing things that you do when someone you love has cancer and you're the primary caregiver. As I sat in the car back then, I'd feel silly and guilty, with my heart aching because of Dad's illness.

The worst was probably dealing with the dementia. Dad couldn't remember why he couldn't eat or what the problem was. It was a constant struggle, but we were blessed with a strong and loving relationship of trust in each other and God got us through that oh, so difficult time. As hard as it was, it was also one of the greatest blessing of my life to be able to give back to my father just a fraction of the loving care he'd always given to me.

Today my dad is in heaven, healed, and eating heavenly hamburgers every day I suspect.

I'd like to ask you a favor. If your dad is still here, please give him a big hug or send him a loving e-mail for me today.

"The Good-News Guide to Caregiving" from Reader's Digesthttp://http://www.rd.com/make-it-matter-make-a-difference/-4-amazing-caregiving-stories/articl

"There are only four kinds of people in this world,” former first lady Rosalynn Carter once wrote. “Those who have been caregivers, those who currently are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, those who will need caregivers.”

I read these words on the plane flying home from California last year. I was instantly taken back to late summer of 2003 when I began the process of caring for both of my parents who were eventurally in hospice. My mom had multiple heart and breathing issues, infections and generally was in poor health, with dementia. My father was most heartbreaking, perfectly sound except for the esophageal cancer, possibly other places as well, that would take his life in April of 2004.

Love doesn’t stop when a parent, spouse, or friend gets sick. Here, remarkable stories of stepping up, sticking around, and finding joy, written by Camille Peri from the Dec/Jan issue of Reader's Digest. I hope these stories lift and stregthen your spirit as they did mine.

May you have a happy, hopeful New Year.

http://www.rd.com/make-it-matter-make-a-difference/-4-amazing-caregiving-stories/article168643.html

A message from the author of When Someone You Love Has Cancer

When Shirley walked in from the garage, she didn't have to say a word: I read the diagnosis in her eyes. I grabbed her and held her tightly for several seconds. When I released her, she didn't cry. The unshed tears glistened, but that was all.

I felt emotionally paralyzed and helpless, and I couldn't understand my reaction. After all, I was a professional. As a former pastor and volunteer hospital chaplain I had been around many cancer patients. I'd seen people at their lowest and most vulnerable. As a writing instructor, I helped one woman write her cancer-survival book. Shirley and I had been caregivers for Shirley's older sister for months before she died of colon cancer.

All of that happened before cancer became personal to me—before my wife learned she needed a mastectomy. To make it worse, Shirley was in the high-risk category because most of her blood relatives had died of some form of cancer. Years earlier, she had jokingly said, "In our family we grow things."

In the days after the diagnosis and before her surgery, I went to a local bookstore and to the public library. I found dozens of accounts, usually by women, about their battle and survival. I pushed aside the novels that ended in a person's death. A few books contained medical or technical information. I searched on-line and garnered useful information—but I found nothing that spoke to me on how to cope with the possible loss of the person I loved most in this world.

Our story ends happily: Shirley has started her tenth year as a cancer survivor. Not only am I grateful, but I remember my pain and confusion during those days. That concerns me enough to reach out to others who also feel helpless as they watch a loved one face the serious diagnosis of cancer.

That's why I wrote When Someone You Love Has Cancer. I want to encourage relatives and friends and also to offer practical suggestions as they stay at the side of those they love.

The appendix offers specific things for them to do and not to do—and much of that information came about because of the way people reacted around us.

It's a terrible situation for anyone to have cancer; it's a heavy burden for us who deeply love those with cancer.

Cecil Murphey

When Someone You Love Has Cancer
Publisher: Harvest House ISBN: 978-0-7369-2428-3 Retail: $10.99

For more information about the book or the author, contact Twila Belk at twilabelk@mchsi.com or 563-332-1622.

Visit Cecil Murphey’s Web site: http://www.themanbehindthewords.com/

Press Release for When Someone You Love Has Cancer

(Atlanta, GA) The World Health Organization recently released a report claiming that by the year 2010 cancer will be the number one killer worldwide. More than 12.4 million people in the world suffer from cancer. 7.6 million people are expected to die from some form of cancer. That’s a lot of people, but the number of loved ones of cancer sufferers is far greater. What do they do when a special person in their life is diagnosed with this devastating disease?

Bestselling author Cecil Murphey understands intimately how loved ones suffer. The diagnosis of breast cancer that had spread to the lymph nodes put Murphey’s wife, Shirley, in the high-risk category. At least eight of her blood relatives had died from cancer. Shortly after the doctor confirmed Shirley’s cancer suspicions, her older sister was diagnosed with colon cancer.

“I went emotionally numb for several days,” Murphey said. “I felt helpless. I also realized that I needed to affirm my love and encourage Shirley before the surgery and through her recovery period. I learned many lessons about loving and caring for someone with cancer.”

Murphey brings his experiences as a loved one and many years of wisdom gained from being a pastor and hospital chaplain to his newest book When Someone You Love Has Cancer: Comfort and Encouragement for Caregivers and Loved Ones (Harvest House Publishers). His honest I’ve-been-there admissions and practical helps are combined with artist Michal Sparks’ soothing watercolor paintings.

Readers of When Someone You Love Has Cancer will receive:
· Inspiration to seek peace and understanding in their loved one’s situation
· Help in learning the importance of active listening
· Guidance in exploring their own feelings of confusion and unrest
· Help in how to handle anxiety and apprehension
· Honest answers to questions dealing with emotions, exhaustion, and helplessness
· Spirit-lifting thoughts for celebrating the gift of life in the midst of troubles
Murphey explains why this is a much-needed book: “Most books about cancer address survivors. I want to speak to the mates, families, and friends who love those with cancer. I offer a number of simple, practical things people can do for those with cancer.”

About the Author:
Cecil Murphey is an international speaker and bestselling author who has written more than 100 books, including the New York Times bestseller 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper). No stranger himself to loss and grieving, Cecil has served as a pastor and hospital chaplain for many years, and through his ministry and books he has brought hope and encouragement to countless people around the world. For more information, visit http://www.themanbehindthewords.com/.
Author/Speaker now securing interviews.