When Shirley walked in from the garage, she didn't have to say a word: I read the diagnosis in her eyes. I grabbed her and held her tightly for several seconds. When I released her, she didn't cry. The unshed tears glistened, but that was all.
I felt emotionally paralyzed and helpless, and I couldn't understand my reaction. After all, I was a professional. As a former pastor and volunteer hospital chaplain I had been around many cancer patients. I'd seen people at their lowest and most vulnerable. As a writing instructor, I helped one woman write her cancer-survival book. Shirley and I had been caregivers for Shirley's older sister for months before she died of colon cancer.
All of that happened before cancer became personal to me—before my wife learned she needed a mastectomy. To make it worse, Shirley was in the high-risk category because most of her blood relatives had died of some form of cancer. Years earlier, she had jokingly said, "In our family we grow things."
In the days after the diagnosis and before her surgery, I went to a local bookstore and to the public library. I found dozens of accounts, usually by women, about their battle and survival. I pushed aside the novels that ended in a person's death. A few books contained medical or technical information. I searched on-line and garnered useful information—but I found nothing that spoke to me on how to cope with the possible loss of the person I loved most in this world.
Our story ends happily: Shirley has started her tenth year as a cancer survivor. Not only am I grateful, but I remember my pain and confusion during those days. That concerns me enough to reach out to others who also feel helpless as they watch a loved one face the serious diagnosis of cancer.
That's why I wrote When Someone You Love Has Cancer. I want to encourage relatives and friends and also to offer practical suggestions as they stay at the side of those they love.
The appendix offers specific things for them to do and not to do—and much of that information came about because of the way people reacted around us.
It's a terrible situation for anyone to have cancer; it's a heavy burden for us who deeply love those with cancer.
Cecil Murphey
When Someone You Love Has Cancer
Publisher: Harvest House ISBN: 978-0-7369-2428-3 Retail: $10.99
For more information about the book or the author, contact Twila Belk at twilabelk@mchsi.com or 563-332-1622.
Visit Cecil Murphey’s Web site: http://www.themanbehindthewords.com/
Cecil Murphey's line: "That concerns me enough to reach out to others who also feel helpless as they watch a loved one face the serious diagnosis of cancer." is a statement relative to all caregivers--"feeling helpless."
ReplyDeleteAlthough I suffer from heart disease and the after effects of a heart transplant, I too am a cancer survivor having contracted a viral form of cancer from my transplanted heart. It saddened me to watch my husband deal with the guilt and helplessness of being a caregiver who felt lost in the confusion of what to do and how to help.
This book hits all the real feelings and true torment a caregiver carries but offers practical help for: 1. Before you offer help... 2. What you can do now... and advice for 3. Long-term care giving.
"No one is ever appreciated enough." A statement from this comforting book appeals to both cancer sufferer and care giver. "When Some You Love Has Cancer" will help you appreciate your loved one and recognize your significance in their life.